Please stand by for a public service announcement….
What if I told you there was an organism that’s been living side by side with humanity for nearly 200 years, at least, and we know very little about it. What if I told you that this organism is responsible for wounding millions of people each year.
The first recorded appearance of this organism is in Britain in 1817, though there are scattered reports of the organism in Germany in the same year.
To learn more of this organism we spoke to Professor Darby O’ Gill of The E.J.I.T Institue, 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, Westchester County.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: The organism is truly unique and fascinating. We still are unsure of what genus to class it as. Although there are multiple sub types of the organism, they all share the same basic structure.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: The organism has an amazing adaptive capability. It’s able to disguise itself in plan sight and appear luring to its ‘victims’.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: The organism is equipped with what we can only describe as monofilament ‘teeth’, sharper than any surgeons scalpel. That’s capable of slicing thru Human skin with ease.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: Every day of the year hundreds if not thousands of people receive wounds from these ‘teeth’.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: The organism prefers to strike at ‘victims’ hands and lower arms. At this point in our research we are still unsure if the organism uses its ‘teeth’ as a defensive measure or as a way to feed. Also there is compeling evidence to suggest that the organism secretes either a chemical or pherome that affects ‘victims’. As those that receive wounds just ignore their attacker.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: We know little to nothing about the organisms reproductive cycle. We believe the organism to be asexual in nature. One theory is that the organism is born pregnant, similar to the Tribble. The organism reproduces extremely quickly. What starts as one organism…
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: … quickly increases to a whole colony.
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: Many theories currently exist as to the orgin of the organism. Some Scientific theories suggest that organism developed its abilities so that it may exist within Human society. Some conspiracy theories claim that the organism was created in British and German laboratories to aid them in their war efforts before escaping containment. While crack pot theories exist claiming that the organism is a physical representation of a pan-dimensional being, similar to mice.
Previously i’ve been asked if the organism should be rounded up for mass extermination…
Prof. Darby O’ Gill: … I would suggest that this is an extreme proposal. As in 200 years there has never been a confirm death associated with the organism. The organism seems happy enough to just float like a butterfly but sting like a bee. We still have years of study and research ahead of us before we have any definitive answers about this organism.
We at The Man Cave believe in informing our viewers to the dangers around them. So stay frosty, watch those corners and until next time.
– from The Man Cave
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